Welt Magazine, a “100% Free, 100% Online” magazine, launched today.
It has to be free and online, or else no one would read it.
They try to put off the whole “we’re badass mother fuckers,” but just fail at it, horribly. It seems like it was written by a 12 year old the night before with punctuation and grammar mistakes everywhere. Who needs to proofread things? We’re badass mother fuckers.
They also love to use cuss words, but don’t actually use them so you end up with “words” like f**k and d*ck everywhere making half of their “magazine” stars.
But there are no long or in depth articles in it. Just a bunch of one-liners and old pictures, with even more annoying and old videos.
It’s Die Hard in a magazine.
Though not really. Die Hard is actually entertaining, while this is just crap. Their hard hitting articles are “How To Bonus Ball In Six Easy Steps” and an interview with one of their “readers” and ask hard hitting questions like “Favorite Cookie?”
Yippee Ki Yay, Motherfucker
It even includes such great lines as
It ain’t often that you get to see a gun that looks as hot as your best mate’s mom when she passed out naked that one time, but you gotta admit this is one sexy shooter
What? Are you trying to appeal to all those 8 year olds out there? Does that even make sense?
There is nothing like WELT in the world today, probably because of things like lawyers.
Actually, no. It’s a thing called common sense. No one would be stupid enough to release a “magazine” as horrible as this is. I don’t think lawyers had anything to do with it, but if they did, they were some pretty smart lawyers.